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bdsm consent

BDSM and the Importance of Consent

With films such as ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ becoming part of mainstream media a spotlight has been placed upon the world of BDSM and kinks. Though BDSM is nothing to be ashamed of or avoided, by becoming part of the mainstream a lot of people enter into it lightly. This can lead to a lack of consent, confusing consent and blurred lines.

BDSM is an interesting part of sexual exploration and it’s something that a number of couples find great pleasure in, which is why it’s encouraged. This is why it should only be encouraged when it is heavily tied to consent. BDSM covers a wide range of topics and situations, including dominance and bondage, and so it’s key that both parties are fully aware of what to expect and where to draw the line. However, though consent is important, it can become confusing when paired up with BDSM practices.

Why is BDSM and Consent a Confusing Combination?

When it comes to BDSM and consent, the line of consent can be confusing. A lot of BDSM is portrayed in the media as being entirely based upon dominance and submission, but this isn’t the case. However, this does lead to sadomasochism becoming the norm and the lines of consent being blurred. For example, how much consent should be given and where do you draw the line? It’s important to note that the foundations and successes of BDSM lie within consent; before getting started with any form of BDSM, the boundaries and comfort levels of both parties should be discussed. Failing to do this could lead to someone becoming uncomfortable and the other party not knowing if they are playing a part.

Things to Know Before Trying BDSM

  • BDSM Requires Trust and Communication - It’s important that you only try BDSM with someone that you trust completely and it’s best to start off small. Always discuss and communicate any topics or things you want to try beforehand in an honest way, allowing for both of you to be completely open about your thoughts and feelings. Stay within the confines of what you have both agreed to avoid any unwelcome surprises.
  • BDSM Is Not About Harm or Pleasing Another Person - The point of BDSM isn’t to cause harm or to please another person, so don’t engage in anything you are not completely comfortable with. In order for BDSM to be successful, both parties must be completely comfortable and relaxed about what’s going on.
  • BDSM Is Extremely Varied - There are a lot of different types of BDSM, and it’s not all about whips and chains. BDSM is about giving and receiving control, and this can be done in a multitude of ways. This is why it’s important to consider the type of BDSM you are interested in and where you draw the line; you’re not expected to try and enjoy everything.
  • BDSM Is Different for Every Couple - No two couples are alike and so BDSM is different for everyone. Instead of approaching BDSM in a way that you think is right and what other couples are doing, approach it in the way that feels right for you and your partner. Whether you’re both into something unique or you just want to try something light, BDSM is different for everyone.
  • BDSM Covers a Range of Different Levels - When they think of BDSM, most people immediately think of whips, chains and bondage. However, BDSM covers a range of different levels, including those that are a lot lighter than this. If you’re not comfortable with diving in at the deep end, begin with something small. Then, build up to more when you’re feeling more comfortable.
  • BDSM Isn’t For Everyone - BDSM isn’t for everyone and so you’re under no obligation to try it. A lot of people venture into the world of BDSM, only to find that they don’t enjoy it as much as they thought they would. There’s nothing wrong with changing your mind.

As you can see, BDSM is a complex topic and that’s why consent is an important part. Though you may have a rough idea of what BDSM is and what it entails, it’s vital that you and your partner communicate openly and that consent is always given. If not, you run the risk of things getting out of hand.

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