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Could Selfish Sex Improve Your Sex Life?

There's a lot of information out there about how to improve sex for your partner and how to give them the time of their life, but what about you? Far too often we forget that we're an equal partner in the bedroom and that it's important for our voices to be heard. So, what are you waiting for?

If you find that your sex life is unsatisfactory, consider whether you have clearly communicated what you want and need to your partner. Sex isn’t a guessing game and they won’t know what you like unless you tell them. This is the basis for selfish sex.

What Is Selfish Sex?

Selfish sex isn’t about being inconsiderate to your partner and demanding certain things from them, that doesn’t work at all. However, selfish sex is about ensuring your sex life is working for you. It can be extremely easy to give into what makes your partner happy and to forget that you’re having sex too, forgetting that it’s important for you to experience the same level of pleasure. Instead of focusing on your partner’s needs, be a little more selfish and think about your own.

There is nothing to be gained from obsessing over what makes your partner happy and whether or not you’re doing a good job; if you’re not, they’ll let you know. However, there is a lot to be gained by thinking about what makes you happy and whether you’re getting everything you need from the experience. Rather than thinking about what you’re doing in bed, think about what you want in bed.

It’s vital to remember that there’s nothing wrong with being a little bit selfish in the bedroom and that your partner is sure to be thankful of the input. The chances are they want the entire experience to be as enjoyable for you as possible, but knowing how to achieve this isn’t easy. After all, if you’re not giving anything away how are they supposed to know what’s working for you and what isn’t? Luckily, selfish sex could help in a big way.

How to Have Selfish Sex

A lot of people assume that selfish sex is all about making demands and setting down strict guidelines, but this isn’t the case at all. Here’s how to have selfish sex:


  • Let Your Partner Know What You Want - Selfish sex isn’t about demanding things from your partner and ignoring their wishes, it’s about being aware of what you want and letting them know what works for you. For example, let them know if a specific speed works best or if you want to be touched in a specific place. Not only does this improve the experience for you, but it helps your partner to know what you need from them. This also works in the opposite way, by letting them know what you don’t like in the bedroom.
  • Don’t Be Selfish - Though it’s called selfish sex, there’s no need to be overly selfish about it; this could come off as arrogant or demanding, which doesn’t take your partner’s needs into consideration. Rather than being bossy or pushy, speak openly and honestly about your sexual needs and appreciate that it works both ways.
  • Don’t Worry or Feel Guilty - There’s no shame in telling someone what you want in the bedroom and there’s no need to feel guilty for doing so, don’t worry! Most partners will be appreciative of knowing what it is you want and this will help the experience to be more enjoyable for you both. There’s nothing to feel guilty about if you are enjoying things, so let yourself go.
  • Openly Communicate Throughout - If there’s something you want during sex, communicate that to your partner. Being vocal during sex and communicating what feels good is a fantastic way for your partner to know whether they’re on the right track.

As you can see, there are a lot of different ways to put selfish sex into action and it doesn’t require any selfishness at all. In fact, it’s largely done through open communication and not being afraid to ask for what you need. By focusing on what you and your partner want, selfish sex can hugely improve your sex life.

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